Sunday, May 9, 2010

Motherhood Plans - Mine and God's

I grew up dreaming of being a mom. I had my children named long before I became a mom. Those names changed many times through the years. Most of those names have long been forgotten. Most of my plans changed. Rather - most of my plans Were changed. I made plans about having children. Mike and I made plans about having children. We didn't really agree on how many - but we didn't actually disagree. He wanted a house full. I wanted a few. Enter problem Number 1. We made these plans. We didn't check with God on what His plans were. I wanted children early. I wanted them to know our parents. I never knew a grandfather. I felt robbed in some way. My friends had them - but not me. So I wanted my children to have grandparents to love them and spoil them. Enter problem Number 2. Infertility issues. Never dreamed I wouldn't become pregnant just by saying "hey - I'm ready". Fortunately a wonderful doctor and six months of fertility drugs took care of that issue. Three pregnancy tests later and I finally phoned the doctor. Still not believing it to be true. She confirmed it - yes I was going to be a mommy! I was thrilled. Could not wait - made sure I told every person that would listen. A few short weeks later and it seemed I would not remain pregnant. Complications arose and I was devastated. My world was coming to an end. I could not believe that after the wait and then the fertility medicine that I would lose my baby. An ultrasound confirmed that I was still pregnant but not likely to remain that way. Every two weeks I would return to the doctor and every two weeks she was shocked to see me and to see that our baby was still alive and growing. As a matter of fact - I remained pregnant for 8 months. Giving birth to a 5 pound baby girl was one of the happiest days of my life. She was healthy and she made me a mommy. (more on her in a later post!)

Less than two years later - I was a mommy again. Another girl! I was on top of the world. I wanted little girls so badly. Living baby dolls is what they were to me. But I decided that two babies was all I could handle. Mike was working away from home most of the time and I decided that whatever the second child was - he/she was the second and last child. Once again, this was not a decision that was discussed with God. It was a decision made on current circumstances. I was satisfied. Mike and I could raise our children while we were young and by the time they graduated from college we would still be young. We would enjoy life to the fullest. We had it all mapped out!

Enter Problem Number 3. God had other plans. As I stated earlier, all of our decisions about having children was based on our desires and our circumstances. We were going along just perfect with our plan. There were many times that each of us would wish that we would not have closed the door on more children. Once the girls were a little older - the missing the baby stage hit hard. But....not so hard that we made any effort to change the situation. He placed two children in our lives and asked that we become Foster Parents. This was not something that we ever anticipated doing either. It was a divine appointment walking into the fabric store and being asked about sponsoring a 5 year old boy. He needed someone to spend time with him. Soon after that we scratching our heads on how we would add to our family. (you know at our age!) Not only did the little boy need a sponsor but he had a sister. So - if we were to plan to foster him we would be also sponsoring his sister. It was never a question - it was what we knew we would do. He would ask us every visit when he could spend the night. Then he wanted to know when he could spend a bunch of nights. Then he wanted to know when he could spend all of his nights. We knew that God placed him in our lives for a reason and we would be obedient. But we knew that it was time to get to know his sister because we would never separate them. So she began to visit as well. Soon after we learned that we could foster them full time with the intent to adopt.

Our lives were taking a major turn. I find it comical today to think that I had my life mapped out - planned. God must laugh at me often. He loves to let me think I'm in control. Then BAM - guess what? I'm not. I am far from in control. He gives me things that I don't deserve. He blesses me in ways that I would have missed out on if I closed doors that He swings open. In June, 2009, I became a mother of four. I still laugh when I say it. Oh - I have four children. It's amazing that people still think that 4 is a mega family! After all, I had two brothers and a sister. And now - part time parent to a baby. Oh how fun and tiring and bizarre. At this point, I am declaring that I think our quiver is full. Seriously - God - I am so blessed and thankful and grateful. But I am woman enough to say - I think we are done. I think we are at the point where Grandparenting will be lots of fun. You read it here - my plans are to be DONE! I sure hope those are God's plans. I hate to think of our younger guys pushing our wheelchairs into place at their graduations! Oh the joys.

FYI - Don't ever laugh at a friend that is pregnant later in life! Ever - trust me.

I love my kids! I love being a mom! I love you guys.



The Curry's said...

They are lucky "children" to have a mother like you Diane!

SurvivorDiane said...

Thank you Cristina - but I'm the lucky one!

Ginny Marie said...

We never know the path our lives will take! I was certain that after chemo and tamoxifen that I wouldn't be able to have children, and then God blessed me with two little girls! :)

I would love to feature your story on my blog. Would you be willing to write a short paragraph for Lemon Drop Pie about being a BC survivor? Here is some more information if you are interested: Stories from You